Posted in The Truths

Interspace (Part-1)

Deep inside the interspace of the lucid truth, I ask-

Can you imagine a reality that is not just your thoughts blended with emotions?

So profound are you diving into the turbulent flow of confusion, that I ask-

Can you venture outside of your addictions, afflictions, and actions?

Wandering in the dimness, you spot your fading reflection,

Who are you left with when there are no forms of interaction?

Revelation- it is not, yet I ask,

What will you do when you stumble upon what you had thought was a falsity, but is now a surety-

That you are but a mere miscalculation?

Attached to every intangible array of delusion,

You can only hope for less of a fusion-

Of the deranged and the generic,

Of the torrid and the platonic,

Of the mystic with a sense of suave,

Of the disbeliever clutching tightly onto the remnants of hope,

Of the so called learned ones who must desperately unlearn.

But what good will it do when there is so much intensity to uncover and unravel those that are unknown?

We thrive for better,

We reach out for a different normal,

Never satisfied with what we have-

And what we have is a gross understatement,

Refusing to settle when we see a more resplendent horizon,

Forgetting all over again, that we are but a mere miscalculation.

My questions go unanswered,

My logic in turn gets questioned,

By the heavy masks which begin to tighten,

Their voice intone and begin to heighten,

The rubbish that they believe in, 

The rubbish that they make of me,

Acknowledging not the questionable reality,

But the questionable questions of an unquestioned reality.

Welcome to my interspace.

Are you tightening your mask?

Or is it slipping?

Trust your instincts and let it slip,

Show me your soul and join me,

I’ll pass you my grip,

Then I’ll tell you some more.

-Ashwini. B. Kamath

         03.06.2017

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Posted in The Truths

The Box- A New Perspective

We’ve heard people tell us several times to explore and canvass ideas outside “the box”, haven’t we? But do we really know and understand the realm of The Box? Think carefully, then think again. 

For there is a misconception that thinking outside The Box generates you to be a more creative person, a more philosophical person, an extraordinary person with extraordinary views and insights.

You don’t really have an answer, do you? And if you think you do, just ask yourself this: 

How can you set foot outside of The Box without truly understanding The Box and the various contents it holds within? 

Yes, it holds contents, it is not an empty box. It being empty is another misconception.

Haven’t you figured out that there is a gnawing fear that is everpresent in everyone which is the main reason you want to step out of The Box? Fear of what? 

Fear of other people. People are constantly worried about the fact that many people are in The Box as well! People are afraid of others- What if the others find out something before they could? 

Because the third misconception is that the contents in the box are the same for all people! No. You don’t have to be afraid! Nobody knows what is inside the others’ box! It is not the same. Because each box might be the same but the contents in it vary in shape, vary in colours, vary in size and that affects and changes everything! 

We, being ignorant, constantly worry if there are spots left for us to discover in The Box. It becomes a mediocre race between people to sift through the box and declare something remarkable, before anyone else does. Let’s face it, nobody likes to lose, nor left behind, nor feel worthless while witnessing the praise, recognition and marvels of others who were also thinking in that same box.

The second reason behind the fear, or rather the reason people dislike thinking inside the box is that they think that the inside of the box is overpopulated! They think everyone else is bouncing around the same wavelength, same thoughts, same ideas. 

Truth is, they don’t. That’s why everybody is different. Nobody is bouncing around the same line. They draw their own lines and sometimes compare it with the lines drawn by others. Some can be similar, but similar does not mean same.

Coming back to my point, since the fourth misconception that everybody is also thinking inside The Box is everpresent, people come up with the ‘brilliant’ idea of exploring outside of The Box. 

Thinking outside of The Box due to the above-mentioned reasons gives one a false sense of superiority, a distorted sense of individuality and also a pompous air of achievement. This is because, the outside is pure, unpopulated, and infinite. It is a beautiful parallel universe inside one’s mind that has been untouched. It is a space wherein one is free to roam, free to deduce and free to conclude. No restrictions, no complications, and nobody else. Just free. 

But while it truly is an exquisite space to be, one should not forget that there are n numbers of layers and parallels to probe. It is an endless sphere of knowledge shaped through countless perspectives, because of which these people either go mad, feel uninspired till they come back inside The Box, or cannot really carry and convey the weight of their discoveries. That’s why, it may bring them fame, but only for a short period, because they also take the outside for granted. 

The entry to the outside, though free, needs a well shaped mind that has surpassed being in the inside to truly handle it and get results- long term fame, long term knowledge and long term freedom. 

For the true thinkers, and this is again just my perception, are those who know how the box works; Are those who understand why the box acts as a barrier to the outside; are those who understand why the box has contents in the first place; and are those who accept the plethora of layers orbiting the outside.

The Box is the ground and the contents in it are the tools you need for your journey to explore the outside. Learn to walk before you run, so you can run without fear knowing when to stop, when to trod, when to gallop and when to hop. That is when you are truly thinking outside The Box.

People who know this, who have practiced it and who have evolved, have wings. And the box and its contents have disappeared from their sight. It is not that they do not need it anymore, it’s just that the box and its contents have become a part of them and turned into their wings- which will help them breeze past dimensions and highs- an indescribable sight unfolds. And that is what thinking outside the box really is. Being inside gives you the sanity to later understand the insanity of the outside. 

-By Ashwini. B. Kamath

     10/02/2017

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Betrayal.

Betrayal.

Such a simple word. 

It has just eight letters.

Yet when it hits you, it is simple no longer. 

Those eight letters leave an utmost bitter taste on your tongue,

Weighs heavier than lead on your shoulders- 

Which appear to have shrunk.

Is this the outcome of being too honest?

Is this the outcome of having too many expectations? 

Is this because of me? Is this because of them? 

I will throw the blame on both-

For it makes more sense right?

I shouldn’t have trusted them too much. I shouldn’t have.

They used my trust and tore it like it was paper. They shouldn’t have.

And the worst part? 

It lingers. 

It sears a part of you-

It decapitated your willingness to trust-

Turning those cherished memories into rust.

It makes you feel vulnerable-

It even puts you down a little.

But it put me down a lot.

It left my person a living, dire, hollow , cracking shell.

I am terrified of this kind of betrayal. 

Yet being my curious self want to know:

Where does this betrayal stem from?

No. I do not need the clichéd versions of, “It was a spur of the moment thing”, “It was not done on purpose”, “You trusted too much”, or “They were the kind who betray a lot” and blah blah blah.

No. It cannot be that simple. For the sting of betrayal is felt deep within my soul- though I hate to admit it. Is there any way, any remedy that can put an end to that seemingly permanent sting? 

If you know the answer, don’t tell me. 

Don’t tell me unless you feel that same sting too.

Betrayal is like a whip.

Quick to hit you. 

Quick to let you feel that sting. 

Gradual to leave its mark.

Slow to heal.

-By Ashwini. B. Kamath

       27/09/2016

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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The Stasis In Me

I normally go through this weekly ritual wherein I stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself for five minutes to half an hour- depending on the topic of discussion.

Last year though, was very different. I faced my reflection in silence. And I voluntarily did something to hurt myself: I started finding faults in almost every physical aspect I could spot in my reflection. I made everything become a fault just for the sake of it. And eventually I started to weep.
Because I had begun putting myself down…again. It was as if a vortex had opened up in front of me and sucked me into the time when I was at my lowest.
When I pitied myself.
When I craved for others to notice that I was sad.
When I believed that I was less.
When I hid my feelings from everyone.
When I tried my best to ignore and not acknowledge the lifeless shell of a girl I had become.
When I lost myself in myself.
Yes; I became the one thing I promised never to be again- I became weak.
Weak- not because I cried.
Weak- because I let myself put me down again.
Just when my life seemed to be getting back on track, I invited this bloody weak version of the old me back into my life.

I refuse to question it.

The fact remains that I have not grown out of that sorrow-made hell though I have tried so hard to.
I feel like I am stuck.
I am in stasis. Neither moving forward. Nor moving backward. I’m just….there. Existing. While everyone else is moving… I am at a standstill.
My subconscious whispers the forbidden name. His name. Again. And again. And again.

And that became my undoing.
I moved backwards. Spiritually and physically…away from my reflection.
I needed to look away…yet I couldn’t.
My reflection had a tight hold to those roots which will always make me unique.
And yet the stems that grew out of those roots…are toxic….are pushing me away…
I am drifting.
I am lost- A wanderer in this space filled with negativity.

I am also a warrior. I motivate myself.
I found my way out of this place once.
I can do it again.
I will find my way back to me- back to my reflection.
And in the end…
I relied on him to pull me out this time instead of finding my own strength because I am weak.

Because I am weak?
That’s not a strong enough excuse!
It doesn’t matter whether he pulled me out or not…I just felt a good root dying.
And I will never forgive myself for letting that happen.

I learned a hard lesson that day. Something I knew but never quite understood.

All you have is yourself. You must never rely on others to save you. You don’t have to save them either. It is you who is important and nobody else. Do whatever you do for your sake. Learn to love yourself. Don’t put yourself down to get noticed. You should notice yourself. You become your Knight in Shining Armour. You become your own Prince Charming. You save yourself from yourself.

That was enough to pull me out of that stasis.
I found myself.
I made my way back to me.
It is neither a victory nor a defeat. It just made me wise (wiser?).

I’m sure I’ll lose myself again. But next time, I’ll be prepared.
To face myself. Because now I know.

This is an ongoing mental battle.
You are your ally.
You are your enemy.

-By Ashwini B Kamath
      29/04/16

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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At The Crossroads

Seldom in life are we met with crossroads wherein we can actually see the destination. When we do come across such a divergence, we make sure to weigh in the ups and downs presented by each path. Mostly because we want what is best for us at the end of the day.

These crossroads may be in the form of some random thoughts, dreams, the advice we have received from others, the advice we ourselves had given to others, certain signs we saw or felt in passing and the like. We never truly label them as crossroads because they were the outcome of ‘in the moment’ decisions leading to actions or the lack thereof.

I’m not saying that everything, every moment of our lives has a crossroad. I’m just saying that they could have been crossroads if we find it in a very close proximity of a connection with those things that make us who we are. When we let our minds wander at those crucial moments, we are actually able to foresee the outcome or as I mentioned earlier- our destination.
We are our thoughts. We are what we think. Many fail to recognize the intensity or depth of the power of our thoughts if implemented in a proper manner.

Coming back on track…When we do come across such crossroads, when we weigh in the ups and downs, more often than not our view of the crossroads get blurred. Blurred by what we conjure up in our minds when being overcautious. It’s definitely alright to be cautious but too much of it causes you to lose the focus on the main objective for we try to think beyond the destination. Why not just zoom in on the destination. That is the crucial result of the crossroad, right? That should matter more than anything. That IS the main point! Don’t over-analyze everything. For your own mental health. For your own happiness- which you may not be able to find because you lost focus on the destination.
Be selfish.
Be greedy.
Be who you are.
Or don’t.
But if you miss these crossroads and thereby the destination…you only have yourself to blame. That will be your spiral leading you down.
Don’t let that happen.
Don’t let such opportunities escape.
Sometimes not having everyday of your life mapped out in your head is such a balm.

Trust me on this.

Again…this is only towards crossroads of which the destination(s) you CAN see. The ones where you can’t…Well good luck trying to figure that out because frankly speaking those crossroads should never require much of your time or energy.

It is what it is.
Be you and go with the flow.
And leave the over thinking and self introspection to me. 😉

PS: For those of you who didn’t follow this…You guys just missed a shot at finding your crossroads with a bonus- the destination.
Too bad.

-By Ashwini B Kamath
       28/04/16

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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The Myriad

 

Under the quivering orange autumn leaves
Born was he- a genius even at birth- with an ego so big
That even Fortune could see from where she spins her wheel

As time went by, he lost the people around him
His ego being the culprit;
His ego became him when he hardened his heart
So he’ll never get affected by the ignorant who failed to acknowledge his intellect

He also had a gift- a deep, myriad of understanding on how the world worked-
A theory of countless dimensions highlighted with a scientific backing
The gift wrapped by an opaque ego was hard to see
And those who did see were so few in number but started to become one of his most prized possessions.
Yes; he saw the world and everything in it as something that can be owned.

If only he didn’t have trust issues
The world would know of his gift and the theories that come with it;
If only he exposed his views
The world would see past his ego;
If only he exposed himself
If only he exposed himself…

He has structured the perfect life
With his keen, detail-catching mind
And a photogenic memory
His ego using them as tools to make people appear as puzzles-
An exciting one at that!

At first, he set the traps and lured them in
Then the process of mental stripping commenced
He moved onto the next once he decided on the result and repeated the same pattern on his next target-
Not caring for those who were discarded-
Who claim that they started to see him
For he knew- they saw only what he showed them
And what he showed them- is the lining of his personality- his ego;
But truth be told, he is not just his ego- it is only a part of him
He has more and he is more;
Of what one may ask
But won’t get any answers
For nobody has solved him till date.
He gave hints- that went unnoticed
So he turned that too into a game for others to solve
To see who can unravel him
Tit for tat- he called it.

You never know when he comes at you
So beware- for his deceptive charm is too good to ignore
Beware of The Myriad;
You have been warned.
You have been warned.

-By Ashwini B Kamath
23/04/16

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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A Conflict Between Emotion And Reason

Raking up the past won’t help anyone; But what do you do when the past surrounds you so intensely that you are literally blinded?

Come to think of it, I never completely put the past behind me. It always loomed ominously in my periphery like a slithering shadow which sometimes turned into a colourful flash of longing. So why am I surprised that the past wants to confront me…again? It’s not the first, second or twelfth time that this has happened, yet this lingering surprise has started to really annoy me.

The issue is that my past has the power to make any and every other issue seem like a rabble of unimportance. Yes; My past demands for my undivided attention. And even though I have a frivolous mind, I dare to give into what my past has demanded without shame.

Well, my dear past…here I am letting you know that I do not regret meeting you. I more than enjoyed being with you. How can you not know that? You were my world- my everything, I daresay.  And all of me wanted you to be my future as well. I wanted us to be equals. It is sorrowful, but you need to admit that my future has no place for my past. Your raging thirst for me to take you back has not gone unnoticed. But I shall not deter from my decision. My past is my past and is not invited to tread into my future.

Maybe if I keep repeating the abovementioned again and again will make it actually true and get injected into me because part of me refuses to let go and still lives in the past- with the past.

As infuriating and confusing as it may be, you need to understand that this is just a conflict between emotion and reason. I’ll admit that emotion craves for you but at the same time reason panics even at the mere thought of you.

My past begs for a chance- saying it’ll change- forgetting the countless chances I had already given it before I became someone who even I failed to recognize on the inside. The damage caused by my past is deep enough to say that it is only reasonable for me to discard it.

Yet, I cannot. For emotion may be shown clearly towards a concrete few by me- but when shown clouds my judgment to make reason seem useless and without lustre. Emotion always wins. I hate that. I love that. I AM that.

Does the past know of this? I believe it does. Is the past taking advantage of that? I can’t really tell. After all, my sense of reasoning has just gone to hell.

Do I believe that the past can make it to the future? Yes; Provided the past knows that: a) It has the monumental power of hurting me; b) it doesn’t wield the power under clause (a) on me ever again.

There is only so much that I can take before I shatter forever. So sheath that power and I shall gladly fall into your darkness. This time we won’t make the darkness our downfall. We will surely create a spark that’ll spread into the future.

The choice is yours.
The choice is mine.

P.S:
I hope you have noticed the increasing blur I’ve created between fiction and reality. That is the essence of this story after all.

-By Ashwini B Kamath
     22/04/16

© Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ashwini. B. Kamath and The Spectrum Inside Ash with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.